Discernment Counseling - For Couples Considering Divorce

An unfortunate truth is that many couples will only consider therapy as a last resort. While we would encourage couples to work on their relationship before it reaches this point, we know that sometimes people only seek out help when facing an imminent divorce or separation. In traditional couple’s therapy, the work begins with the assumption that both parties are committed and interested in improving the relationship. This may not be the case when one person is already past the point where they want to leave the relationship, which is why we offer discernment counseling.

Discernment counseling is a specialized type of counseling for couples who are considering divorce or separation, it may be thought of as pre-divorce counseling. However, in discernment counseling the therapist accepts and embraces the fact that one or both members of the couple are considering but unsure if they want to divorce or stay together. In addition, the goal of the counseling is not to fix all of the problems in the relationship which allows the process to focus solely on “discerning” the path forward.

Discernment is a short term process and allows for up to 5 sessions, where the goal is strictly for each partner to develop clarity and confidence in the path moving forward. This approach focuses on helping both members understand their own role in the breakdown of the relationship as well as a thorough evaluation of what the result of their choices could be.

If you’re in a position where discernment might be right for you, please mention it when you contact us so that we can explain the process to your partner and bring them into the conversation.

Couples Therapy for Communication

Does it seem like no matter what you say, that your partner just doesn’t hear you? Or do they seem to misunderstand your intentions and get more upset? Maybe things have gotten to a point where you’ve given up on trying to communicate because it just doesn’t work. Bringing your relationship into therapy can be helpful and important because your therapist is someone outside who can bring a new perspective and listen for the deeper message underneath each of your words.

Most often what happens is that couples in their relationship system get “stuck” in a loop or pattern of communication that continues to feed and reinforce itself. The first step of therapy is to identify what is happening in this pattern and bringing each member to focus on their own experience and actions that feed this cycle. The therapist will help guide each partner to share their own personal experience, and help the other begin to understand what they are really asking for when they communicate.

One of the most common goal couples have in therapy is to improve their communication. Taking the step to enter therapy can be difficult, but with the guidance of your chosen therapist and a commitment to changing yourself in the “cycle,” you can create a new model for your relationship. We encourage both members of the couple start the process by attending our free consultation, and noticing if you feel like each of your concerns are heard by the therapist.

Couples Therapy for Infidelity

Whether it is physical, emotional, or both, infidelity is one of the most painful experiences that someone in a relationship can go through. If you have discovered your partner in an affair, we would like you to know that it does not necessarily mean that your relationship has to end. Couples therapy offers an avenue for healing in the relationship, and identifying the path towards rebuilding trust.

There are some important considerations that must be made in order to set up the therapy process for success. Namely, the person having the affair must not be actively engaged with anyone else outside of the relationship. If the affair occurred very recently, and both partners are unsure if they want to stay in the relationship, we may begin the process in discernment counseling to help both partners clarify their goals and make the commitment to give their full effort to therapy.

As difficult as infidelity can be to recover from, there is hope that the relationship can become even stronger. Couples therapy can be the place for both partners to learn and grow from the experience, and understand how to rebuild trust and confidence in the relationship.

Couples Therapy for Intimacy

Intimacy, both the emotional and physical definitions, is critical for a relationship’s health. If your intimacy has suffered in your relationship, it can be difficult and painful to talk about. There are many possible factors that could affect intimacy in a relationship including stress, lack of communication, and even infidelity. If your relationship is suffering from a lack of intimacy, therapy can be the place where you’re both able to have an honest conversation to address the root concerns.

During your free consultation, your therapist will ask each of you to share what concerns you have about the relationship. If intimacy is a concern, we can go more in-depth assessment with each member separately before bringing the discussion back together in a positive, safe environment. Our therapists know the importance of supporting clients with a non-judgmental manner to encourage honesty and disclosure.